WHEN: Friday December 8, 2006 at 5:00pm
WHERE: Moes & Joes in the Highlands

Hey Everybody!! I’m Britney Spears’ pussy! I’ve been flopping away here trying to breathe some massingil-fresh air into Britney’s fishy-stale career! So, I’m getting out there in the open and going on what I like to call “I-shaved-my-publicity” campaign! And I know you guys have been seeing me a lot on the internet lately dangling around with my very best friend: Paris Hilton’s Vagina. So, here I am, hosting this very special Celebrity Happy Hour: Celebrity Pets Edition!

That Paris Hilton sure is a dang genius! Meow… She saw that Britney’s image was in trouble and recommended that she take me out in public and flash me a few times for the cameras. After Paris got filled out like an application on video for the whole world to see, she went out in public with Tinkerbelle a few times and everything was just smoothed over. Girls pets have that effect on people. Besides, who doesn’t want to see a warm, fluffy, hairless kitty like me? Meow… Paris knew that this plan would return Britney’s reputation back to that of a wholesome mother of two. What she did not count on was all the criticism that I would get.

Granted, I am not the young pussy cat that I used to be, but people really hurt me by saying how old and beat up I looked. So my fur is a little matted and I have tics on me… Its not my fault! Meow… My mommy doesn’t have as much time to groom me these days so sometimes I look a little ragged and smell like a used diaper filled with Indian food. I’m not perfect, sometimes I cough up hairballs on the couch and sometimes I let complete strangers that I just met pet me.

Meow…. But, I must being doing something right if I got Britney back on the cover of all the tabloids!

Sorry If I seem a little lippy… after all the late nights last week I think I might have picked up a bug at one of the clubs. My Veterinarian is gonna give me some anti-biotics to go along with my normal medication for worms. Plus, you try having that douchbag K-Fed poking at you all the time and see if you dont get touchy and a little inflamed now and then! It wasn’t big by any stretch, but dang was it potent! I want to see you keep up yer good looks when there are dang babies fallin’ out of me all the dang time! Frankly, you can practically drive an SUV up in here!

And what is all this talk about me not being the same after having puppies?? I’m a pussy! I can’t have puppies you morons! Meet this pussy at Moe’s & Joe’s on friday and I will let you pet me after Britney gets a little buzzed up.