I AM BAKK!!! Ramembur me? It’s Lindsay Lowhan agyen! I kant beleve its bin a hole yeer synce tha veri phirst celebryti happie hour™! As luk wood have it, I am back in Antlanta shootin the seaqwell to Whore Island. Its called Whore Island II: Coo-Coo for Cocoa Cocks. I get to cum bak to howst the won year annaversery ov CHH!! I kant wayt!!

Yoo probubbly herd that I got apendysidus. That guy told me it wuz ok and that he wuz cleen and he didn’t not have to yoos pratecshun… what a jerk. Don’t wurry, it wont keyp me from goin out and partying and shit. I git smashed all the tyme and still mayk it to the stewdio, why is getting sik any difrent? Im a rilly faymus souperstar, ramembur?? I have a image to mainetane!!

This yeer we have a nu cast member on Whore Island; Britney Speers. Tara Reed cawt hepatytus sea and kant do the second moovey with us witch is two bad becuz we all no how coo coo for cocoa cock Tara is. Brit will be a nyce replaycment, butt she likes the whyte guys that think they are cocoa. Brit is mad at me cuz K-fed was tryun to git all up on me at the club the other nyte. I wuz all whackt out on payne meda-k-chun frum my sirgery and he sent me a tekst sayun we shood hang out. I told him to get lawst and he told me my krotch wuz on fyre!! so I had wun of my sacureity gards spray me with the fyre eckstingwisher! It was a rilly close kall!

Meat us girls at Fontaine’s in the hylands on fryday after yoo get off werk. Oh, and I herd from my frends at CHH that it is Mike Page’s berthday!!! So, beesidez jusst selebrayting my new moovy and CHH annaverserie, evrybodee needs to come out and have your publisists buy Page a line of coke and a shot! Girl! I’ve ben peukking every meal in eccsitemint for frydays hppy ouR!! (and I am tring to loose a few pownds for Whore Island II)

So, enneyways, happy berthday Mike Page! I kant wayt to snort sum lines with you (and then praktise sum from my moovie!!!) I heer a lot of gud things abowt yur coco dong!