Hola mis amigos mexicanos! Me llamo Lou Dobbs y yo soy su amigo!

Michael Vick will be unable to host the second annual Cinco de Mayo edition of CHH (el tiene un estallido muy malo en su burrito), so I will host in his stead; get better Mike! I’ve been rethinking my tough stance on illegal immigration lately, and I would like the opportunity to smooth things over with you, mis hermanos y hemanas mexicanos. What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball against eachother? Juan on Juan! HA! See? Mexicans are my friends!

Meet me at Manuel’s Tavern for tacos and tequila shots on Friday to celebrate Mexican Independence. Tank tops, jean shorts, and Nike shoes are preferred. Mullets receive half price on all cervesas! We will be having a raffle for a 1994 burgandy Ford Aerostar minivan with only 143,007 miles on it that has a passenger capacity of 23 (courtesy of C. Ray Hughes, Esq.). There will also be a pinata full of things like fuzzy pink dice, tassles, new tool belts, giant Nike Swoosh and Toyota stickers, and soccer balls. Afterwards, I will offer you a free ride to your homes in Gwinnett in the bed of 4 beat up Ford F150s and 3 large white vans with inordinate amounts of ladders strapped hapazardly to the roof. Of course, we will drive in the fast lane, but we will not exceed (or even approach) the speed limit. Much to the other motorists dismay, we will not speed up or change lanes for any reason whatsoever. Also, we guarantee our courtesy drivers are not licensed or insured. Please be forewarned: If there are any car accidents, run. It’s every hermano for himself. But we intend to have you and your extended family back to your one bedroom apartment as soon as we can.

Finally, we have chosen Manuel’s Tavern because the name seems somewhat Mexican. The place is family friendly, so feel free to bring your 12 children and your mami and papi. See you Viernes!