MEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOWWWWW… Hey Everybody!! I’m Britney Spears’ pussy! I’ve been flopping away here trying to breathe some massingil-fresh air into Britney’s fishy-stale career! So, I’m getting out there in the open and going on what I like to call “I-shaved-my-publicity” campaign! And I know you guys have been seeing me a lot on the internet lately dangling around with my very best friend: Paris Hilton’s Vagina. So, here I am, hosting this very special Celebrity Happy Hour: Celebrity Pets Edition!

Jagshemash! My name Borat. I am son of Boltok the Rapist. Boltok also my grandfather. Boltok and my mother do not get along… she wish she was raped by another man. I am makings a journey from my hometown of Kuzcek, Kazakhstan this Fridays for you to please come to Happy Celebrity Hour and then come to viewing on my new movie-film: Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan.

Hey errrybody… its yo boy, T.O. First thangs first. I want y’all suckaz to know sumptin. You may have heard some shit about how I had done took too many pills and I had been tried to kill my se’f. Well, listen up my fellow T.O. fans, depression is a serrrrrious illness. I thank tha Lord that I do NOT suffer from it. But, irregardless, I do wanchall to know dat I’z gonna be puttin out a book about my personal struggle with being the greatest and best receiver of all time and making mo’ chedda than all y’all mofo’s combined and driving the nicest ridez and gettin’ wit all da hos and livin’ in a huge ass mansion wit itz own basketball court and movie-skreen and shit.

Hi, I am Mel Gibson. I know… I know… many were surprised to hear that I allegedly made some anti-semetic statements last week. You were surprised because you know that I am a very spiritual individual. As you may recall, I directed and produced the Passion of the Christ™, which was my hard-hitting and obscenely gory interpretation of the crucificition of Jesus (with just a pinch of Braveheart and The Patriot). And, yes, I may have made millions upon millions of dollars creating that film, not one dollar of which have I donated to the needy… and sure, it may have offended an entire religion… but one message should ring clear: I AM A SPIRITUAL PERSON! Seriously, no one works for free! I mean, Jesus was a carpenter! Do carpenters work for free?!